My kids have been making so much progress. My kids were starting to create strong relationships with each other. They were becoming confident and comfortable. We had started on a huge 3D Book Project-something they were very excited about-, but as we entered into Spring Break there was notice that school will be canceled until May 4th due to COVID 19. The dates kep getting pushed back further and futher. I doubt we will return to school at all.
The emotions that surged through me were shock, disbelief, agitation, then panic.
How would I teach my kid? What is going to happen to my kids? I won't be able to say good bye to my kids.
That hit me the hardest. I felt the resentment and anger consume me as the reality set in. I had finally felt like I was making progress with the relationships between my kids and I. I was seeing the increase of learning in my kids, and I was finally getting that "this is why I teach" feeling. But now, that was all getting taken away. It was ripped from my arms with no notice. I had to adapt-fast.
We had started distance learning, which consists of recorded lessons, online assignments, and lots of Zoom meetings. I somehow became the tech person for my team, even thought everything I learned was through simple googling and research. It felt almost silly and ridiculous how I was being applauded for something so easy. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the appreciate. I just wish that my efforts could somehow fix all the chaos, so that we can return to normal.
Its odd how overwhelming and anxious I've become since this has happened. The workload feels ten times heavier, when it is actually reduced. I feel like I'm not doing enough, when I know that I'm doing what I can. The feeling of desederuim and trepidation infinite and eternal.
Teaching during this time feels pointless. I want to see my kids. I want to talk to them and hear their laughter. I want to have more class debates, discussion, and oppportunities to let them think for themselves. I want to be a teacher again. I want so much more than to just sit by my dining table and make online assignments. I want to do more than be stuck.
That's what is feels like. I feel stuck with layers and layers of crap piling ontop of me. It feels hard to breathe, to think, and to feel motivated.
I wish I could end this on a positive note, and one day I will. However, for now this is how it will end. The hope that I tell my kids to have feels like a lie, because I cannot have it myself. It feels wrong to tell them to keep hope and look for the bright side of things when all I see myself are the loss of time, memories, and normalcy.
The emotions that surged through me were shock, disbelief, agitation, then panic.
How would I teach my kid? What is going to happen to my kids? I won't be able to say good bye to my kids.
That hit me the hardest. I felt the resentment and anger consume me as the reality set in. I had finally felt like I was making progress with the relationships between my kids and I. I was seeing the increase of learning in my kids, and I was finally getting that "this is why I teach" feeling. But now, that was all getting taken away. It was ripped from my arms with no notice. I had to adapt-fast.
We had started distance learning, which consists of recorded lessons, online assignments, and lots of Zoom meetings. I somehow became the tech person for my team, even thought everything I learned was through simple googling and research. It felt almost silly and ridiculous how I was being applauded for something so easy. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the appreciate. I just wish that my efforts could somehow fix all the chaos, so that we can return to normal.
Its odd how overwhelming and anxious I've become since this has happened. The workload feels ten times heavier, when it is actually reduced. I feel like I'm not doing enough, when I know that I'm doing what I can. The feeling of desederuim and trepidation infinite and eternal.
Teaching during this time feels pointless. I want to see my kids. I want to talk to them and hear their laughter. I want to have more class debates, discussion, and oppportunities to let them think for themselves. I want to be a teacher again. I want so much more than to just sit by my dining table and make online assignments. I want to do more than be stuck.
That's what is feels like. I feel stuck with layers and layers of crap piling ontop of me. It feels hard to breathe, to think, and to feel motivated.
I wish I could end this on a positive note, and one day I will. However, for now this is how it will end. The hope that I tell my kids to have feels like a lie, because I cannot have it myself. It feels wrong to tell them to keep hope and look for the bright side of things when all I see myself are the loss of time, memories, and normalcy.
Comments
Post a Comment